What wine pairs well with cauliflower hash browns and spicy breakfast burritos? A $6 chardonnay will probably complement the dish—as long as it is after 1 a.m.
Hours before my midnight breakfast, I was in the break room at Anthropologie eating the leftover lasagna that my partner had made. We thought it would cover our Friday night dinner, but we had already plowed through it.
Knowing I wouldn’t finish work until 11 p.m., I definitely didn’t want to go to the grocery store, make something big, or make my partner do either.
Whenever I know that I’ll need a late night fix, I mentally go through all of the staple ingredients that I keep in the house, such as pasta, eggs, spinach, and more.
I realized I could make a delicious Mexican-inspired scramble. Then, my partner reminded me that we had soy chorizo in the fridge—this last-minute, throwaway dish wouldn’t just be a mess of repurposed leftovers.
With time left in my break, I turned to Facebook and the very first post on my newsfeed was a Tasty video covering how to make cauliflower hashbrowns. When I remembered the cauliflower we had mistakenly bought sitting in the fridge, I realized we were about to have the perfect late-night breakfast.
It’s amazing how many meals are hiding in your fridge. Becoming a modern gatherer not only helps to save money and food waste, but also forces you to be the Steve Irwin of dinner creations. Exploring the inner depths of your food stash reveals some unnamed species—I mean, meals.
For Christ’s sake, I made a breakfast plan. Breakfast is, and has always been, my least favorite meal of the day. As someone who barely has time to make a slice of toast, all of my options are usually bleak, and I’ve given it a bad connotation because of it. I also tend to stray from fruit and sweetness in general, so overall, my options are limited.
However, this savory, late-night plan seemed like a perfect little early morning delight. I got home around 11:30 p.m. and my partner had already shredded the cauliflower per my request, because doing so would have been awful and of course I’m the worst.
The recipe called for parsley—the true devil’s herb—which did not use. Instead, I added parmesan, paprika—my partner’s personal brand, garlic salt, and red pepper flakes.
The hash browns turned as orange as our president’s spray job—which I’ll note looked really unappetizing. But they were delicious, especially when dipped in a little sour cream to combat the heat.
Once we put those spicy boys in the oven, we got the eggs scrambling. The trick to perfect scrambled eggs is to add a dash of half and half and cook the eggs slow on low heat. To give them an added spice and texture, we added the soy chorizo—which, as someone who made tacos for a living, I can say is an excellent meat substitute. We then added a dash of taco seasoning and salt and pepper, and we were in business. We cooked them for less than 10 minutes and then wrapped the soft goodness in a tortilla with salsa, cheese, and a little sour cream.
We started eating around 1:30 a.m., cracking open a white chardonnay. Is there really a more perfect pair? We named our thrown-together creation the Tuukka special after our favorite hockey player, Boston Bruins goalie Tuukka Rask, whose jersey I just happened to be wearing throughout the process.
I took the scraps of a potato chuck wagon, failed cauliflower mashed potatoes, and eggs we bought for sandwiches to fill us up, but not enough that we weren’t ready for bagels the next morning.