A new year means a new you and there is no better time to reinvent your dating technique. You wouldn’t be reading a dating advice column if your love life was spectacular, so at least consider that something you’re doing isn’t working. Much like your new gym membership, if it doesn’t pan out, you can always go back to being lazy.
Here are some of the tips I’ve followed to transform my dating life. Trust me: I wouldn’t suggest them to you if they hadn’t already been field tested.
Tip one: Get out of your own head. Emerson students are some of the most thoughtful and creative people around, which is great for our careers, but awful for our dating lives. It is hard to stop overthinking things and judging every possible outcome, but you are sabotaging yourself. Stop overanalyzing the situation and live a little. Instead of imagining saying “hi” to the other lonely T rider, go do it. This summer, I happened to have a schedule that coincided with this super cute stranger in my neighborhood. After weeks of making awkward eye contact I finally decided to say hi and we ended up taking salsa dancing classes together. If I had continued to convince myself that saying “hi” would be creepy or inappropriate, I would have lost the chance at making a really cool new friend and never learned how to seductively move my hips. This can work at parties, in classes, clubs, events: wherever. Saying “hi” to an interesting stranger has never let me down.
Tip two: Don’t be afraid to fail. Sometimes people just don’t like you no matter how awesome and charming you are. The problem is, we just tend to assume that those people make up the majority of dateable human beings. Unless you are actually an awful person that is probably not true. There is a solid chance you won’t fail. Even if you do, at least you’ll get a good story out of it. Being rejected is better than walking away with regrets.
Tip three: Consider dating outside of your usual type. I have always gone for smart, self-deprecating guys with social disorders then always break up with them because they don’t like to go out. I see people stuck in this rut all the time. You date the same type of person, break up for the same reasons, and then start the cycle over again. Try something completely new. I decided to mix things up by agreeing to go out with an athletic, charismatic guy who would always come into the store I worked at. Instead of my usual home movie dates, we went to this really cool restaurant and explored the city. He turned out to be a bartender at a strip club, so things didn’t really work out for us, but I learned that I was into more sociable people. Since then I’ve noticed myself having a lot more fun with the people I date.
Tip four: Go somewhere new. If you’ve already tried all of the eligible prospects at your current hangouts, it is time to spice things up. Take a class on something you’re interested in, go to a new bar, or join a club at another school. Doing the same old thing doesn’t get you anywhere. If you’ve been fishing in the same pond for years, there aren’t going to be any fish that you haven’t already dated or who haven’t dated your best friend. There are 7,000,000,000 people on this planet; surely there is someone more compatible with you than that person you’ve already dated twice.
Overall, remember that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Stop asking why you are alone, or why you only end up in failed relationships, and instead do something to change it. It never hurts to try. Happy dating!