When I first started dating my boyfriend this past summer, the looming question of what to do when I moved to a college an hour away plagued my mind. Would we be able to do medium distance? Would I still be able to make the most out of college with a boyfriend at home? When I brought up my concerns to him he told me, “We’ll make it work. We’re too stubborn not to.” That stuck with me.
An older relative told me going to college in a relationship was the stupidest thing I could do and that I was going to ruin my “college experience.” But what truly is the college experience if not to make the most out of your freedom and do the things you truly enjoy doing? Is college actually about partying every weekend, or having multiple love affairs? Or is it spending all of my time out with friends without a moment to listen to myself? It seemed like everyone in my life was defining the “college experience” as something I didn’t resonate with. I had very little guidance on how to navigate being in a relationship in college while maintaining a balanced life.
I knew breaking up with my boyfriend was not what I wanted to do. We had only been dating for a few months but the connection we have is nothing like I have ever experienced. Both of us were determined to figure this out.
But I did start thinking about my time at Emerson and how I could balance this so-called “college experience” with having a boyfriend back home. I could only see him once a week and I could go out once a weekend. Or I could see him twice a week. Or this and this and this and this. It was grueling to think about this schedule that I didn’t want to make in the first place.
As I adjusted to Emerson over the first few weeks, I made really good friends that I hang out with a lot during the week and weekends. At the same time, my boyfriend comes to visit every weekend and we call every night. I had made my own schedule that didn’t adhere to what other people were telling me to do. I haven’t felt that having a boyfriend in college has “held me back” or deterred me from being my own person. I have been living my true college experience and I’m glad I didn’t break up with him for the “college experience.”
Throughout this, I learned not to listen to these people when they told me I should want to do all of these crazy “college experience” things. That really helped in making my medium distance relationship work in a way that benefitted not only myself but my boyfriend, too. Because now, we get to see each other frequently without either of us feeling unfulfilled.
Find what works for you and if you’re in a relationship learn what’s best for your partner, too. Communicate as much as humanly possible and don’t be afraid of trial and error. You may mess up or may try something that neither of you like but as long as you and your partner are willing to put in the effort, you’ll make it work.
My boyfriend and I don’t have everything figured out. However, we have been able to do so much together. We have explored all over Boston, been to parties together, and have been on countless dates trying all new restaurants. This was all trial and error and I know that as time passes all of it will get easier the more we discover what works or doesn’t work.
There is no one way to experience college, and college should be about what you specifically want to do. You don’t have to go to parties but you definitely can. You don’t have to go above and beyond to make friends. Most importantly, you shouldn’t stress about missing things that you didn’t even want to do in the first place just because you’re afraid of missing out.
Your college experience should be uniquely yours, not what the people around you try to tell you. For me, college is about doing what makes me happy. So no, staying in my relationship isn’t ruining my college experience, nor is it the stupidest thing I have ever done. If anything, I have learned more about my preferences and to listen to myself when it comes to how I want to live my life.