May 10, 2020
I was at my desk finishing work for one of my internships because we had just been ordered to start working remotely that day for that internship. I checked my email and saw the email from President Pelton and I heard my roommates react and I was like ‘oh no.’ So I walked to their room and it was very emotional. I really wasn’t sure what I was going to do because, obviously, I hadn’t planned to leave ELA that early and I didn’t want to go home, so that was kind of my first thought after getting the email.
I had a bunch of friends that had to scramble to figure out housing really last minute, like lease-signing kind of stuff. People were rushing into things because we only had a week, and people were really nervous and acting out of hysteria and emotion. I didn’t want to go home—it felt like going home would take me off a certain trajectory that I was on. I can recognize that I absolutely acted out of emotion, as well, because all these things I had planned for two months in advance were expedited and I was not ready to do them.
Obviously, just leaving college and starting your life in general is really scary. But I’m not going to miss having to balance my time between school, work, organizations, sleep, and socializing. Like doing that killed me. It was
fun, wonderful—I had a fine experience at Emerson, and did what I wanted to do. But also, I am so tired. It takes such a toll, just like emotionally, mentally, and physically. I will miss having the space and ability to work on projects that I care about, and have the creative kind of input and control that I’ve had in various projects at Emerson, that I know I won’t have for at least a while.
I do want a physical graduation. I think everyone does, right? We’ve worked so hard for four years. To not be able to experience that feels like something is missing, some thing is incomplete. If it were to happen in the fall, I would absolutely go and cross the stage. It’s a big accomplishment not only for me but for my family and like I want them to be able to see that. Virtual? How is a virtual graduation going to work? You tell me. I have no idea how that would work. Zoom? You want to have a Zoom with hundreds of students? No. I’m hopeful-ish and I want it because I know it’s important to me and my friends and my family.
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