Unless you’re a freshman, we all remember where we were when Jennifer Coolidge, renowned comic actress and class of ‘85 graduate, was announced as last year’s commencement speaker.
However, as much as I’m a fan of the star of “American Pie” and mother of the gays — and trust that I can do a mean impression of her — a new graduating class is upon us. And I undoubtedly care more about it because I am a part of it.
It’s that time of year again, when the soon-to-be graduating class speculates on which industry mogul, Hollywood starlet, or campus cornerstone will be enthroned as the 2026 graduation commencement speaker. The options are seemingly endless; past speakers include iconic filmmaker Spike Lee, legendary actor James Earl Jones, and late-night host Jay Leno.
I’ve rounded up a list of dignitaries, thespians, and former Emersonians who at least somewhat rival Coolidge in terms of their icon status, as well as some that I think Emerson College is likely to book based on their track record.
- Henry Winkler ‘67
First emerging onto the sitcom scene as Arthur “The Fonz” Fonzarelli in “Happy Days,” Henry Winkler was likely among the first notable alumni you told your grandparents about when you were accepted into Emerson. After graduating in 1967 with a well-utilized theater degree, he returned as the commencement speaker in 1995, but I think it’s been an acceptable amount of time since for Emerson to bring him back.
He’s also been a lingering presence: In 1978, he received an Honorary Doctor of Humane Letters — a certificate commemorating one’s contributions to art, culture, and/or society — from Emerson College, and in 2001, he began depositing personal memorabilia and documentation throughout his career for the Emerson College Archives and Special Collections.
The Henry Winkler Collection includes personal notes, manuscripts, correspondence, and personal photographs from the man himself. Unfortunately, fall layoffs disrupted the operations of the archives, and some of Winkler’s material has been left unprocessed. To that, the Fonz would likely say, “Sit on it!”
2. Bill Burr ‘93
Love him or hate him, Bill Burr is as Emerson as they come: whip-smart and funny, with questionable personal politics. Burr graduated in 1993 with a degree in communications and spoke to Emerson Los Angeles students as recently as 2023 about his career. However, I’m skeptical he’d be as warmly received this time around; he’s recently come under fire for performing at the controversial Riyadh Comedy Festival in Saudi Arabia, joining other polarizing performers such as Louis C.K. and Dave Chappelle.
The trip garnered backlash from some who felt it was an attempt on behalf of the Saudi Arabian government to whitewash the regime’s human rights abuses, and believed engaging with the festival indicated moral ambiguity from performers. However, after the encampments at universities and colleges across the country in support of Palestine, Burr did flame “hard-nosed” Bill Maher on his own show for saying pro-Palestine protesters are on the side of Hamas, which could earn him some points with certain Emerson students.
Then again, he’s also a famed critic of ‘PC culture,’ notions of woke, and using pronouns, which are like breakfast, lunch, and dinner for Emerson students. He would be a contentious pick, but how fitting for a graduating class whose college experience has been defined by a burgeoning political divide, both across campus and nationally.
3. David Cross (dropped out, ‘82)
Like fellow dropout and honorable mention Paul Thomas Anderson, David Cross only went to Emerson College briefly before leaving to pursue his career. I don’t think this matters, since we’ve had commencement speakers galore who didn’t even go here.
Cross, among our generation, is best known for his role as the contemptuous and conniving Uncle Ian in “Alvin and the Chipmunks,” as well as the closeted, lovable oaf Tobias Fünke of “Arrested Development.” And yes, if you’re wondering, he did have hair while at Emerson College. What’s more, Cross made headlines this past fall for slamming Burr and others for their Riyadh Festival appearances. We could even have both of them speak together to represent their conflicting opinions. Now that’s what I call institutional neutrality.
4. Joe Biden
Okay, hear me out. In 2003, then-Senator Joseph R. Biden Jr. gave a commencement address at Emerson and received an honorary Doctor of Laws, for some reason. I know he’s much older now — 83, in fact — and he has metastatic prostate cancer (prayers up). But in the words of the former president himself, “I no more think of myself as being as old as I am than a fly.” Well said, Joe. If that’s what he had to say on 60 Minutes, I can’t even imagine what wisdom he has for the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed young adults of his pseudo-alma mater.
5. Someone dressed as Nancy Wheeler, but not the actress who plays her
Based on the @emersonalumni Instagram post touting “Stranger Things” character Nancy Wheeler as an Emerson alum, we know the college is proud to call this budding journalist/Demigorgon fighter an Emersonian. Despite dropping out of school to write for the Boston Herald (which is in the show), she allegedly returned to campus to finish her degree in 2019 (which is not in the show).
However, booking Natalia Dyer at this time will not be easy (or cheap — budget cuts, am I right?), so it might be easier for the school to hire someone with high cheekbones and poofy ‘80s hair that resembles Wheeler to don the famed purple Emerson shirt, tucked into mom jeans. It shouldn’t be that hard to find someone — they come a dime a dozen at Emerson College. I could stand on the corner of Boylston and Tremont, throw a rock, and hit a bisexual VMA major with a Geek Bar that fits the bill. Give ‘em some ECCash in exchange for the gig.
With that, my predictions are complete. After being here for four years, I am confident I can anticipate Emerson’s next move — between our pick of comedians, ex-presidents, and dropouts, there’s plenty of hype for this graduating class.
Now, perhaps I should create a bet for these predictions on Kalshi or Polymarket to help pay for my student loans!
