Cynthia Erivo rises on the screen to deliver her final, triumphant high note in “Defying Gravity.” My roommates and I are holding hands, squeezing tight. We reached for each other when Jonathan Bailey came on screen and haven’t let go since. We are giggling, practically kicking our feet, watching with our eyes glued to the screen and our mouths open. I think about how lucky I am to be here with them.
Ten years ago, I was seated in front of the stage rather than the screen, high up in the balcony, taking in the sights of the Gershwin Theater in New York—my first Broadway theater. I was next to my mother, who spent the afternoon showing me around Times Square. Visiting the city and seeing a show was one of my biggest dreams at the time, and it felt so special to share it with my mom.
Between seeing “Wicked” on stage in New York and seeing it in theaters now, I think about the girl I used to be and the woman I am now. In middle school, I struggled with my girlhood. When it came to self-image and even socialization, I didn’t give much thought to finding myself, instead, I chased what I thought I should be. The one place that I felt I belonged was theater because it allowed me to escape and become someone else. As I’ve gotten older, I realized that is not where the magic truly rested. Theater allowed me to discover more about myself and what to value in friendship, which is something I will carry with me for the rest of my life.
“Wicked,” although very whimsical, exemplifies the core importance of female friendships, something so valuable to the womanhood that comes later.
In an article from CNN, author Danielle Bayard Jackson talks about how female friendships hinge on three concepts: “support, symmetry, and secrecy.”
Secrecy, although not always directly referring to actual secrets, really symbolizes the willingness and openness to share. I believe another big part of this element of “secrecy” is trust, as when sharing something particularly vulnerable you are giving pieces of yourself to the other person.
I was often surrounded by women who encouraged this practice of mutual sharing. I’ve rarely ever kept secrets from my mother and grandmother, who have in turn shared their own experiences with me in times when I’ve needed it most. Between friends, we’ve shared crushes, secrets, and stories that have strengthened our bonds and brought us much closer. As someone who was always shy, it always felt good to talk about something important to me and have someone just listen.
In “Wicked,” Elphaba and Glinda similarly bond by sharing aspects about each other, allowing them to gain a better understanding of one another. They validate each other’s feelings and therefore are able to give strength to each other, instead of trying to weaken the other.
Symmetry, or the idea of reciprocity in a friendship is also extremely important. Jackson explains comments like “I just don’t know who she is anymore,” when feeling underappreciated or slighted in a friendship, often stem from a feeling of imbalance. In fact, it’s recognized that women are much more likely to give more of themselves without receiving anything in return. An article from Connolly Counseling Centre discusses that people-pleasing is a habit that is much more common in women than in men and that this very much stems from issues with self-love and acceptance.
I grew up giving a lot of myself to others and not getting a lot in return. I often felt like in being a generous friend I would find more of my own identity, but that was far from true. As I got older and my social circles began to change, I found my self-worth in the people that prioritized my wellbeing. Women often underestimate the importance of being reminded that they need to take care of themselves, and more importantly, that they are worth putting themselves first.
Elphaba and Glinda each bring things to the friendship that enrich both their lives. They never inhibit each other’s ability to grow, and when it comes time to part ways, Glinda offers nothing but support for her friend.
Emotional support is what Jackson says can make or break a female friendship; it is what eliminates that inherent competition that is put on our shoulders by society. In an article by the Harvard Business Review, author Mikaela Kiner discusses breaking the cycle of female rivalry and the internalization of mistreatment.
In “Wicked,” we can see this explicitly when Elphaba and Glinda start as bitter enemies. Their classmates accentuate this, all too happy to antagonize Elphaba and support Glinda’s continuous takedowns of her. They both vie for the attention of their teacher and mentor, Madame Morrible, who beyond their differing personalities and styles, is truly who fuels their rivalry. It’s only when they both show each other unconditional support that their friendship is able to blossom.
In her article, Kiner explains, “One thing I learned through my research was that women invite and value healthy competition—fighting fairly for a job, project, or promotion. But a big driver of female rivalry is the concept of ‘one seat at the table.’”
Women are conditioned by society to believe that they have to cut each other down to get ahead because there is not enough room for us to all succeed. I grew up watching this unfold in theater. Friendships and relationships are strained or even completely destroyed over the leading role or singing solo. Judgmental whispers and complaints were most often offered up, not mutual encouragement and pats on the back. As Jackson says, shows of support or solidarity between women help us take this guard down and dismantle the subconscious need to battle it out for the top spot.
Growing up, I was offered a lot of emotional support by women in my life, and have always felt like that was what really strengthened my relationships with family and friends. Things as simple as a hug from my mother or grandmother after a hard day, or the simple reassurance and compliments from friends at a sleepover as you try on clothes or look at pictures—moments that you don’t realize mean so much to you until you view them retrospectively. In “Wicked,” Elphaba and Glinda’s blossoming relationship for one another as they help each other grow perfectly encompasses the importance of support in a female friendship.
When I saw “Wicked,” I saw so many familiar faces in Elphaba and Glinda.
I saw my mother and grandmother, powerful, kind, with strong arms that hold me close.
I saw my sister, and all of our late night chats over the phone and our special lunches we have.
I saw my aunts, all whispering advice and jokes into my ears as I sat on their laps as a child.
I saw my friends from childhood. Their loud laughs and mischievous smiles as we watched movies in our pajamas and gossiped at sleepovers.
I saw my best friend, as we drove in matching cars on old back roads in our sleepy hometown and told secrets.
And then I looked next to me, and in the cushioned chairs, grasping onto my hands and never letting go, were my roommates. I didn’t need to see them on the screen because they were right beside me. My roommates and I help each other evolve, navigating newly adult life together.
There never seems to be a dull moment, much like in Oz, except we find ourselves dealing with monthly bills and mice much more often than wicked witches and yellow brick roads (although I know which I’d prefer). As we sit together in the dark movie theater, watching Elphaba and Glinda run through the Emerald City, I think about the secrets and stories we’ve shared, how much we’ve given to each other, and most importantly, how lucky I am to have their unwavering support.
Although I may have struggled with girlhood, like so many others, it’s those moments that I was coaxed out of the struggle by people like my mother, friends, and roommates, that have helped me stop wishing I was someone else and become the woman I was always meant to be.
As I sat there, in awe that a movie brought all these emotions to the surface, I could only think of how important it is for everyone, for every girl, to see. Maybe they too can realize that they “deserve a chance to fly,” and that they should be surrounding themselves with people who help them lift off into the sky and defy gravity.
