Love Notes

Emerson students love reminding each other how busy we are. Everyone has a million film shoots, projects, jobs, internships, and classes we need to do to get ahead in our careers, but what has it done to our love lives? Everyone needs a little loving every once and a while, but who has time for relationships?

The start of a new semester always re-sparks the internal debate about what you are really looking for. You may be surprised to find that what you thought you wanted isn’t what you are looking for anymore. Ask me over the summer when I am free of clubs and homework, and I am a diehard monogamist. Ask me two months into the school year, and I am considering throwing the cute guy in psychology on the floor for some one-on-one tutoring after class.

I read an interesting article in the New York Times this summer that said college students are giving up on love and relationships in favor of the “steady hookup” or the popular one-night stand. One look at the hot, sweaty bodies of Emerson students rubbing up on each other in a basement in Allston would suggest that this is true. However, if you head back to campus and apartments there are almost an equal number of sickeningly cute couples enjoying a night in front of the TV. Emerson has an interesting mix of the hopeless romantics and the artistic free spirits. When picking the person you want to spend your evenings with, it is important to keep in mind what camp you fall into, and which one your bedtime buddy does.

I know I’ve found myself jumping for joy when I get a text inviting me over from the hottie I’ve been talking to in class. I think he is actually interested in some sort of relationship, only to find out he was really just interested in the good old- fashioned hump-and-dump. The subsequent ignored text messages and awkward encounters in the Walker building elevators can really hit your self-esteem.

Students interested in relationships can’t hook up with someone who is only interested in something causal, then be surprised when it never transforms into something more. The person you’re interested in told you how they felt and there isn’t much you can do to change that. Sometimes you can feel pressure to have sex with a person that you really don’t want to sleep with, and you shouldn’t say yes just because you feel embarrassed to say no. Your overall happiness is more important than their sex drive.

On the other side of the coin, people can assume that if you are hooking up with someone after a party, things are going to remain casual. There is nothing more awkward than thinking a hookup is a one-time thing and having to tell the person after they’ve been calling and texting you for days that you really aren’t that interested. There is no greater mood killer like the phrase “I just want to keep this casual, I’m not looking for anything serious,” right before you hook up with someone, but it is better to know where you stand ahead of time. If things don’t work out, remember that there are plenty of other fish in the sea. 

After getting it on with a person who was on a completely different page than you, you’re left feeling like a used tissue or the biggest jerk on the planet. This is 2013: what you want to do in the bedroom may be your business, but it is also your partner’s business. If both parties can communicate what they really want, we can all thrive in the hook-up culture with relatively few headaches and broken hearts.