Sleeping Beauty

Dear Auntie Em,

The walls in the Colonial are paper thin and the person who lives in the suite next to me has really loud sex, like all the time. We’re not really friendly, and I don’t think she even knows that I know all about how much she likes to uhm…. say yes to her boyfriend. I’m afraid to confront her about this because I don’t want to embarrass anybody. But I need to get some beauty sleep! What do I do?

Sleeping Beauty


Dear Sleeping Beauty,

You can’t keep that girl’s pants on when she’s in her own room. She has that right. When Saul and I were on our honeymoon in the mountains of Israel, I was on the sweeter side of that lollipop. But the hotel walls weren’t the best for our long nights of sexual desire. Thus, one of the guests next door slipped a note under our door and told us about the various noises she heard exploding from my body.

I was abashed! But, I knew to control my wild exclamations that night. You need to be as fearless as that mysterious guest. Talking about this type of situation can be difficult, and a note under the door — or even an email, since you kids are so high-tech — will do the job. She’ll appreciate your honesty and be relieved to know nobody but her handsome mate will hear her on those passionate evenings.

Or: buy earplugs.

Night night, sleep tight, hope the neighbors don’t bite, (though they probably bite each other),

Auntie Em