Throughout my three-and-a-half semesters in Boston, I have had the great glee of attending 17 concerts — some for pleasure, some for business (this newspaper). As someone who has both an intense aversion to Uber and a propensity to go to concerts alone, I have compiled a ranking of Boston’s concert venues. Here, I share it with you.

On a scale of springtime meadow to shadowy alley, some venues are downright terrifying to get to. Roadrunner, for all of its pros — size, shape, kind employees — is impossible to reach. If you don’t time the commuter rail just right, you’re on your own, and personally, I don’t like to be on my own in the middle of nowhere — also known as the no man’s land that is the area in between Allston and Brighton.

I don’t think you need me to tell you anything about the large venues like TD Garden and Fenway Park. For one, I’ve never been to a concert at either, but if you heard the same horrors of the rained out Lana Del Rey show at Fenway in June 2024 that I did, you too would stay away.

Big venues like MGM Music Hall and House of Blues Boston are one and the same in terms of my rankings. If you looked up “concert venue” in the dictionary, I’m pretty sure that MGM is what would appear next to the entry. It’s got the marquis, the stage, balconies, and it’s conveniently located… everything a girl could possibly want. There’s also something uniquely whimsical about the troll-under-the-bridge walk to get there from the Hynes Green Line stop. Overall, these two are satisfactory, yet unexciting.

Midsize venues are where Boston seems to shine. The Sinclair surely takes the cake as my favorite. A quick Red Line ride and pleasant walk through Harvard Square away, it ranks high on the walk-through-a-meadow scale. Also, the room shape is lovely, and the balcony is nice too. Hot tip: every Friday from 12-6 p.m., you can take the painless trip to The Sinclair’s box office where you can buy a no-fee ticket to any Bowery Boston concert happening at The Sinclair, Roadrunner, Suffolk Downs, or Royale for the upcoming week. And you get a physical paper ticket!

On that note, Royale, just a few minutes’ walk from Emerson College, is itself a smashing venue. It does help that the only show I’ve seen there — folk duo Watchhouse — had a fan base of millennials and older, who tend to file into neat rows and have a deep seated abhorrence to pushing or shoving of any kind. 

Paradise Rock Club boasts a similar capacity and accessibility compared to The Sinclair. But the club has an odd shape. It’s just not great. Don’t just take it from me; when Geese played the venue last fall, Cameron Winter even jested at the oblong room. Everyone laughed, but I don’t think he was joking.

I’ve been to Arts at the Armory only once, and let’s just say, thank God I had someone else with me. A long walk through a residential neighborhood doesn’t seem too bad, but in the dead of night, post concert, it is not something I would recommend to any solo concertgoer. 

In terms of the teensy venues, I don’t think you can really go too wrong. At that point, you’re not going for the venue, you’re going because you or your friend are a fan of some niche little artist who booked Lilypad or maybe The Red Room. Of the two, I would recommend the Lilypad. Sure, it’s cool that The Red Room is run by Berklee College students, but being there feels like I’m an extra in a Disney original about a boy band on tour where the lead singer falls in love with the young ticket taker, etc, etc. You get it.

Then again, I’ve only seen two shows there. Both were decently interesting bands — Australian postpunk outfit Radio Free Alice and the more-likable-than-Noah-Kahn indie rock singer Runnner — but they both seemed a little bit put off by the family friendliness of the room. And although I am an advocate for going to concerts alone, I would say don’t do so if the venue is only 15×15 feet. It’s a little awkward.

Of course, there are more venues in this great city than what I have listed here. These are simply the ones I’ve frequented and the ones I’ve remembered. You can form your own opinions, but if you take anything from this here “listicle” I hope it’s this: go to a concert alone, and get a paper ticket. And please, don’t just take videos to post on your Instagram story — take the ones that’ll actually make you look back through your camera roll.

I bet you thought I would end this article by saying that Boston’s true best venue has been right under our noses this whole time. You want me to say it’s the Lion’s Den soooo bad. Guys. Stop. I won’t say it.