If you’ve ever had sex, or thought about it, there are likely specific things that really turn you on. Whether you are into missionary or you aced the BDSM test, National Kink Day was the perfect reminder to explore something that peaks your sexual interest. While there is often debate about problematic kinks or kink-shaming, on National Kink Day, we can choose to celebrate the never ending list of new things to try in the bedroom—or out of it.
Kinks used to be a lot more taboo—they came with sex dungeon-esque associations and gimp suit fantasies. Which is fun. But if you’re new to kink, a “red-room” environment may be a little daunting. Sliding your fingers into the kink-hole shouldn’t be scary, but instead exciting; it has the potential to introduce you to new parts of yourself, both sexually and emotionally. Obviously, not every kink is for everyone, but experimenting can turn sex into something exploratory rather than routine.
Exploring kinks doesn’t have to involve restriction or danger. You can try various activities such as ass play, roleplay, edging your partner, or even starting an OnlyFans. From light sensual touches to more intense experiences, the possibilities are diverse and can be as simple or as complex as you desire.
Our personal recommendations? I’m so glad you asked. One of the most common kinks is bondage, but that doesn’t mean go full medieval. Use a scarf, tie, belt, whatever works, and tie your or your partner’s wrists together. Five seconds in and you hate it? Try something else.
Blindfolding can be an exercise in trust while also introducing a bit of risk to your sex life—the same goes for candles. If you’ve never poured hot wax onto someone’s naked body and rubbed it in then you totally should—some massage candles are even edible.
Typically, the “S,” in BDSM—submission—takes place under some kinky umbrella, when someone takes on a more dominant role and someone else takes on a more submissive role. That can manifest into choking, hair pulling, binding, spitting, and more. If you are a person that enjoys being in control in most areas of your life, it’s perfectly natural to pretend you are something you are not. The world is at your disposal. Plugs, whips, wax, and vibrating toys of all kinds are your friend. Testing your limits can be both thrilling and revealing as long as you remember your safe word.
Those accustomed to taking charge, being a breadwinner, or exhibiting leadership traits outside the bedroom often enjoy experiencing a level of assertiveness in the bedroom. However, whether you are a control freak who grew up an overachiever or someone stuck in a job where you have to consistently display dominance, relinquishing control in an intimate setting and letting nature take its course can be just what you need. Sexual submission can be consensual, collaborative, fun, and sexy.
If you enjoy group sex, talk to your partner about it, find groups, or tell a friend. You’d be surprised to find out how many people enjoy getting freaky with more than one person at the same time. Group sex is America’s favorite fantasy; in particular, threesomes.
Group sex can be attributed to boosting a person’s sexual ego, allowing them to feel desired, validated and stimulated by two or more people. All this is to say, safe sex and consent is even more important in group situations than in others, as there’s a far higher chance you can pick up or do something you didn’t want to do when you have more partners at once.
Cuckolding is a fetish where one partner watches their partner have sex with another person—it’s about getting aroused by sexual jealousy, and it’s not just a porn category. Getting cucked isn’t a bad thing—at least you get to share what you love with others.
Kinky sex does not mean better sex. It’s about finding out what you like. Even if it’s something like feet—not that there’s anything wrong with that. There are plenty of fish in the sea who will pay for photos of your feet. Send some photos, suck a toe or two, give a footjob—see if it sticks. There’s no point in trying to explain what you’re into—that’s bad faith, instead kinks serve as self-discovery. With feet: if you know you know.
Some kinks are a punchline, but having bad sex is a funnier punchline. There is a consensus on orgasms: we love how they feel. So it’s not embarrassing to talk about how to make each other have them. Use your protection, take your pills, and Happy Kink Day!
It’s not a day, it’s a lifestyle. So celebrate it every day!