Sex is an asset in or out of a relationship


Rachel Choi

Illustration by Rachel Choi

By Mariyam Quaisar, Managing Editor

Sex comes in a variety of forms—we all know that—but we can all agree that there’s a difference between making love to a significant other versus doing the deed with a rando. Either path to shag is valid; whether someone chooses to lead a hookup-based love life versus choosing to foster a relationship is their prerogative. 

Besides professional development, one of the biggest challenges as a college student is maintaining what society deems a healthy sex life. The idea of having sex with one person your whole life for means of reproduction is not applicable to our generation. Sex is, finally, sexy. It’s fun and exciting and… climactic. So, why limit ourselves?

A plethora of dating applications are cultivating our generation’s hook-up culture and making casual sex more accessible than ever. But let’s make one thing clear: these apps are not the reason for hookup culture; they simply create an easier outlet for people to unleash their sex beast. More importantly, finding fulfillment in such a lifestyle should not be belittled or looked down upon because it’s natural. It is natural to crave sex, just like it’s natural to crave a Jefe’s burrito—both of which you should allow your body to have.  

Our libidos dictate a significant portion of our lives. Scientifically, men hit the peak of their horniness when they’re 18 years old. College guys are horny, and they want sex on-the-go. On the other hand, college girls are scientifically not known to be “as fired up” because a woman’s height of horniness hits from ages 26-32. But this doesn’t mean that a lot of college girls don’t have sexual needs to address. 

The intensity at which our libidos influence our bodies varies person to person. The way your sex drive functions dictates how sexually active you want to be, and there is nothing wrong with that. Often, a high sex drive coupled with a lack of desire for commitment creates a hookup lifestyle. In my eyes, you’re simply taking care of yourself by being a hookup enthusiast. 

A hookup lifestyle, however, is very different from engaging in a few quickies here and there. Following a lifestyle often means you bang for the buck, not for a potential romance. (If you’re looking for a romance, your outlook on hookups will be drastically different because you’re looking for the other situation mentioned above: choosing to nurture a relationship with your special person).

Many college students prefer this second route, referred to by many as commitment. Communication, growth, quality time, giggling, and staring into another’s eyes. I’ve heard many people debate the pros and cons of being in a relationship in college because it supposedly hinders you from “living your best life.” The idea of commitment quickly transforms into the fear of missing out—not being able to spend time with friends as much, not being able to flirt as much (you know who you are), or losing time to work on yourself. At the end of the day, these excuses are just that: excuses. 

Speaking from personal experience, being in a relationship in college can be as redeeming as going on a date with a new person every week. While one path fosters a bond with someone you feel a connection with, the other gives you a chance to explore your likes and dislikes in regards to your love life. Most importantly, both routes harbor plenty of sex, if that’s what you’re looking for… which we all know you are. 

While I am an advocate for both lifestyles, I will always preach that communication is key. Being in a relationship with someone where you feel comfortable to communicate and share your feelings with is vital for a healthy sex life. Often, people are scared to have a constructive discussion about their sexual preferences in fear of hurting their partner’s feelings—I am no stranger to this. Now, I can talk to my partner about whatever is on my mind without fear of opposition, judgment, or ridicule. I definitely couldn’t say the same a year ago. 

Hookup culture has swiftly turned toxic because of the lack of proper communication that comes with one night stands. Great sex is great when you openly tell your partner what you like; fantastic sex is fantastic when your partner automatically knows. Obviously, this bank of knowledge will grow over time as a sexual relationship prospers, but regardless of whether your sexcapade is a one time or long term thing, you should be having open conversations about what makes you feel good. Otherwise, what’s the point? 

Having sex as a college student can be tricky and unnerving, but it comes down to one major point: follow your heart. If you’re more into hitting and quitting, do that. If you’re looking for your special person, good luck friend. Either way, I wish you amazing, fulfilling sex.