Now that the brisk New England winter is behind us, the picnic tables are back in the 2 Boylston alley. But one thing is always in season: smoking.
Discarded cigarettes and joints pile in the alley no matter the weather. You can see it through clouds of smog when walking to class; some Emerson students scoff at the smoking corner outside Walker Building, while others scan the crowd for friends. It’s the closest thing to community I see at this no-campus school.
Therefore, with Boston’s favorite smoking holiday, 4/20, right around the corner, here are the best — and worst — places to smoke around Emerson’s campus.
- The Loft
One of the worst places to smoke for the near future is right outside the Loft on Boylston Street. Last week, a fire broke out in Walker Building’s Loft, with fire officials speculating it started from an abandoned, not-fully-extinguished cigarette.
It used to rank higher as a popular spot among students, but the campus fire — totalling an estimated $100,000 in damages — has seemed to scare off even veteran smokers. While it does earn points for “coolness” factor and location, it takes the bottom spot on this list due to its flammability. Don’t do arson!
- Your dorm
Besides being blatantly against college policies, smoking in your dorm is one of the most disrespectful things you can do. All of the vents are connected, and no matter how many windows you open, your neighbors will be forced to breathe it in. The ash piles on your windowsill, and even facilities cannot scrub clean the smoke smell from the carpet.
With record freezing temperatures this past winter, I understand the appeal of not leaving your room for a buzz. But please — for the rest of us — just go outside.
- Boylston Green Line T stop
Tucked safely in view of Little Building, the vaguely threatening nature of the Boylston Green Line T stop is a beacon for the nicotine nomads among us. With a smiling wink from Charlie — the MBTA’s very own fent demon — you’ll always be near a friend, even as a group of creepy rail riders approach you from the bowels of the station.
However, in recent months, this option dropped to No. 3 due to the prevalence of Fare Engagement Representatives, or the yoked T police who guard public transit in blue polo shirts. If they catch you lighting up, you’re liable to hear a stern warning, which would really bum out your flow.
- 2B Alley
Now that the weather has broken 70 degrees for more than one day, the 2B alley has come back to life. While you would run into the occasional person smoking in the dead of winter, there is an influx of smoking groups now that the sun is out.
The alley lands second on my list, but only if smoking respectfully. Sit at the picnic tables, lean on the buildings’ walls, but, for the love of all things holy, do not stand close to the doors. Especially not during prime class rush.
- The graveyard
The graveyard across from Piano Row has proven to be a tried and true smoking location for Emerson students and Bostonians alike. It respects the college’s official 25-feet-from-campus rule, is not disruptive to passerbys, and you can even feel the Green Line under your feet! Plus, if the vibes are right, the ghosts of dead colonists have been known to emerge from their tombs and bum a toke.
One disclaimer: Try to avoid class change times in this location, otherwise you may make awkward eye contact with professors, bosses, or that one person in class who you know is judging you for killing your lungs.
This op-ed is intended as satire. Giggles are welcomed.
