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Alrighty folks, I’m baaaaack. Before we get started, I suggest you charge up your phones or iPads if you’re one of those people, and start taking notes. Today’s topic: how to have phenomenal phone sex. 

Being intimate with your partner doesn’t have to be limited to in-person, especially when phones exist. Phone sex—whether via voice call, video call, or messaging—can be as unique as the individuals participating. The best part: there is no right or wrong way to have it.

There’s a variety of reasons why two (or more) people would choose this route, ranging from long-distance relationships to the fact that two days without sex is simply too much (but still not worth the price of an Uber to their partner’s house). Not speaking from experience or anything…

So, how does phone sex work? It’s simple; participating parties simulate sex over the phone, and one or more may orgasm as a result of it. It’s important to note, though, that with phone sex there is less pressure to “finish.” Instead, your version of phone sex can just be about sharing fantasies or future plans for sexy time. But, if you want to go all the way via a landline, then who am I to stop you?

You may think that the lack of pressure with phone sex is enough of a benefit, but I’m here to tell you that there are many more. 

Creating intimacy over a rotary phone carries fewer sexual risks. There is no chance of pregnancy (unless you’re Jane the Virgin), or transmitting infections and diseases. Engaging in phone sex means you can foster a connection with your partner without needing to take Plan B or a gonorrhea antibiotic, and you won’t be excessively sweaty. 

Having an accessible alternative to combat barriers like geographic distance and illness is a fantastic way to keep the flame alive between your person(s). More so, for those who find it difficult to form sexual relationships in person can gauge their comfort level first with a cup and string. 

And you all know my biggest takeaway for these sex columns: communication is key. Phone sex can encourage people to communicate with their partner(s) more clearly about their desires and fantasies. Talking about what you like and what you’d like to be done to you is a healthy way to progress any sexual relationship. 

Before I leave you all to dial those numbers, remember to exercise caution when engaging in phone sex. Like most good things, there are risks involved. 

Protect your privacy. There is an unfortunate reality that someone can share your pictures, record your voice, screenshot your text messages, etc. Snapchat is known for frequent data leaks so don’t forget to habitually clean out your My Eyes Only. 

At the same time, beware of the classic catfish. 5G won’t protect your heart. There’s too many people out there pretending to be someone else online, so if you do not personally know the person you’re getting intimate with, proceed with caution.

Nonetheless, your phone shouldn’t be the only thing buzzing! 

Now, as this hump day comes to an end, I proudly send you all on your technological endeavors Happy ringing!