Stop kink shaming: all types of sex are valid

By Mariyam Quaisar, Managing Editor

People have sex. That is a concept that society has come a long way in wrapping its head around, which is great. Now, society needs to wrap its head around kinks and the wide array of fetishes that people may have. 

People like different things in bed, and that is no reason to judge them or make them feel inferior. We don’t need to shame people for their kinks. Just because you don’t like being peed on when you’re getting down and dirty, does not mean you can make fun of others who do. 

Before I start listing off different kinks that blow peoples’ minds, let me explain the benefits that come from being spontaneous in bed. 

Right off the bat, for many people, sex can get real boring real fast if there’s no spice. Now, that can mean literally pouring spices down your partner’s throat while they’re naked under you, or just trying something new and exciting. 

One of the most popular kinks is BDSM—bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism. After the “50 Shades of Grey” film trilogy was released, 85 percent of adults in the U.S. said they had engaged in light-fare play using masks, blindfolds, and bondage tools. When kinky sex is presented to us as something we can all do, more people are inclined to try it. Honestly, I’m really happy that people saw Christian Grey and then were like, “honey, grab your night mask.” Let me tell you why.

With BDSM, there is plenty of room for sexual experimentation, but there are also physical and mental health benefits. From my previous articles, you guys probably assume I’m a sex fanatic, but no. I just want to help you all be your best sexual selves. 

Ian Kerner, a psychotherapist and sexuality counselor, said the physical contact that comes with BDSM can stimulate one’s body in far more ways than “vanilla” sex. So, now I ask you: if someone is getting pleasured and living their best sex life, then who are we to judge them for using whips or chains? 

Kinky sex is also proven to reduce stress levels. A study published in the journal Psychology of Consciousness: Theory, Research, and Practice suggests that the intensity and pain that comes with BDSM does everything but induce stress. Those who engage in BDSM tend to be in a better mood, and are more energized and focused. If someone’s mental health is positively impacted from anal beads, then you and your opinion should butt out. 

Being kinky in bed allows one to get out of their comfort zone and try sexual practices that are “unconventional.” But my question is, why are any sexual practices considered “unconventional” in the first place? What someone does in bed is their prerogative. 

Not only is one getting out of their comfort zone when they act on fetishes, but they’re also exuding and feeling a sense of confidence as their body and mind wraps around a pleasure that is unique to them and their desires. 

There’s more health benefits as well: strengthened immunity and an increase of feel-good hormones. Practices like flogging and spanking increase blood flow to the brain, which saturates organs and muscles with new oxygen and hormones. All kinds of sex do so, but not to the extent that kinky sex does, according to Kerner. 

Top or bottom, the bottom line is, trying new things in bed, being spontaneous, and being open to new experiences all help people outside of the bedroom too. One becomes more extroverted, more conscientious, and employs better communication with their partner as well as others. There’s so many benefits, that I see no negatives. 

For those who want to turn up the heat in the bedroom, with more than hot wax, here are a few of my suggestions: 

Blindfolding your partner not only gives the blindfolder a newfound sense of power, but it is also exciting for the blindfoldee who is being surprised with their partner’s every move. 

Who said we can only use body parts during sexcapades? Sex toys add a third party to your endeavours, and as I’ve said in prior columns, having your partner use your vibrator on you is an indescribable feeling.  

Role play is another very popular kink with endless opportunities. You and your partner can dress up as a CEO/employee duo, act like strangers, animals from the wild, and so much more. Use your imagination and step into the roles of the dynamic duo that can liven up your sex life. 

Last, but definitely not least, is light violence. Getting spanked, slapped, thrown against a wall, whatever it may be adds a sense of hunger and carnal behavior which may very well turn you on. Of course, be safe, respectful, and ease into it. 

None of this is to say that “vanilla” sex is in any way bad. Just as people who enjoy various kinks should not be judged, people who enjoy “vanilla” sex should not be either. Such sensual, soft sex comes with its own beauty and is just as valid as rough, animalistic sex.  

Fetishes can range from basic “stick it in and thrust,” to “lick my toes,” to role play, to virtual sex, to whatever someone wants to try with their partner. And whatever you love is yours to cherish and simply enjoy. As long as one is safe, there are no issues, so go out and have fun!