The sexiest thing about a new relationship is the mystery. Nothing beats the anticipation and inability to predict your partner’s thoughts or their next move, driven by the deep desire to know more about them. But what happens if you find that your new romantic endeavor holds a completely different set of beliefs than your own—more specifically, their political beliefs.

We’ve all experienced meeting the “perfect” guy—that is, until he opens his mouth. You tilt your head and flash panicked eyes at your friends to play off the fact that your new romantic fantasy has shattered because he just gave you a hint on who he voted for in the last election. If you’re anything like I was, you let those words pass right through your ears and enter a two-year relationship with him. I mean, he’s 6 ft—that’s gotta count for something, right?

I have followed through with relationships with people I didn’t always see eye to eye with, and loved someone that I did not agree with on every political issue. Despite this fact, part of me cannot fathom seeing some of my close friends build relationships with the same people we criticize for not understanding the harm of their affiliations—or lack thereof. Did our countless conversations of disapproval towards opposing political beliefs suddenly vanish from our brains because he held the door open? Isn’t it hypocritical of me to judge, given I’ve done the same?

The United States is polarizing faster than other democracies in terms of gender-based differences in political affiliation, especially amongst younger generations. Now more than ever, men are beginning to identify as Republicans, whereas a majority of women consistently identify as Democrats. Harvard’s youth poll gathered that 32% of men are Democrats and 29% are Republicans, a contrast from 2020, where 42% of young men in Harvard’s poll identified as Democrats and only 20% identified as Republican. Women’s affiliations, on the other hand, have remained relatively the same; since 2020, the number of young women identifying as Democrats has increased by 1%. 

This points to a larger issue plaguing the dating scene. The male loneliness epidemic can be attributed to the increase in men becoming more conservative. On the other hand, many women don’t want to date conservative men—making it a self-fulfilling prophecy. 

So what does this mean for the dating scene? Gen Z takes a more active stance on politics compared to previous generations, meaning that politics heavily shape our dating pursuits. As young people enter the dating scene, a growing gap in differing worldviews along gender lines can create friction between couples—and not the good kind.

Popular dating sites like Hinge and Tinder allow users to screen for similar political ideologies as your own—an indicator of how much politics has seeped its way into our sex and dating lives. In a culture where nearly half of young men reportedly aren’t dating, Gen Z’s romance gap grows as the political gap does too.

I had one previous partner who was firm in his conservative beliefs, which I don’t share. Dating him made me realize that many young people’s views are highly influenced by the media we consume, from Barstool TikToks to A.I. on X—along with the influences of our experiences, location, peers, and family. Though these other factors play a role in our beliefs, social media holds significant political influence—not only do these views have a platform to be voiced, but we find them seeping into our dating politics as well.

I am completely guilty of this, and I’m not the only one. In today’s culture, being politically aligned has become an important factor in how we interact with one another. A study conducted by Innerbody found that 86.7% of Democrats are dating Democrats, and 84.4% of Republicans are dating Republicans. Why? Political affiliation often mirrors personal identity. Perhaps, in our search for a romantic partner, we’re only able to rationalize affections for someone like-minded. 

Political affiliation is also often equated with morality. I was raised in a Democratic household, and I still hold those values. But, as much as we may praise the correctness of our politics, we may find ourselves on a second date with the same guy who made a questionable comment on the first. In an ideal world, sparking conversations around what aligns with our views— rather than just associating the other party as the “enemy”—should be important within the dating scene. At the end of the day, even someone politically aligned with our views may not be the one. Being with someone we may not entirely agree with means fostering healthy discussion in a more effective route toward political tolerance than avoiding the “hard stuff” —because in the dating world, avoiding something hard is the opposite of what you want to do.

The reality is, our generation’s heightened polarization due to the current political climate encourages a lack of tolerance for anyone with differing beliefs than our own. We aren’t able to have those conversations because Gen Z represents two differing political ideologies. After personally experiencing politically unaligned relationships, I can confidently say it is important for me to find a partner who is aligned with my views—especially in our current political climate. But as the dating scene grows increasingly difficult, this may not be the answer for everyone.

In your search for the perfect partner, evaluate your beliefs and whether or not romantically co-existing with someone you don’t politically align with fits into that image. Although there may not be a right answer to who you should or shouldn’t date, if one thing is for certain, it’s that dating remains incredibly challenging—especially in terms of political alignment. Now, it’s not enough to tell if he’s a good person just by whether he pays for dinner or kisses you on the front porch but about which ballot box he checked in the 2024 election.