take me

                   back to when i was a little fatter, 

                   more than a little, really

                   hefty, like a cow

                   or a pig, a fat pig

take me

                   to the second floor of the emerson wellness center

                   why is it so fucking hard to book a counseling appointment?

                   counsel me this,

                   i thought i hit rock bottom six months ago 

                   well, wishing to be

                   well, i found one

take me

                   back to when i had hopes

                   i would say ‘and dreams,’ but i still have those

                   i dream of bad sex, 

                   of getting kicked out of parties,

                   of getting sick enough to forget how to perform

take me

                   as i am

                   before it’s too late

                   before i realize my own genetic predisposition for breaking and

                   entering a state

                   of psychosis

take me

                   back to before

                   before i knew what it meant

                   to be punished for being this way

                   jolly fat pig

take me

                   rough and dirty

                   teach me how it feels to be violated

                   to be wanted, blue and black and yellowing

                   to ache somewhere deeper than heart

take me

                   raw

                   make me feel like a woman

                   at risk