Enter GIRL. There is a single chair in the room. It is a black room, dark and damp. She takes a seat and takes a puff of her cigarette that she holds in her left hand. 

An early 2000s-style camcorder sits in front of her. Its red light blinks steady, steady, steady. It has been running for quite some time.

GIRL

I know you are wondering where I am, where I have gone. But I am in a place you can no longer find me. I cannot be touched.

She takes another puff from her cigarette. The constant beeping of the recorder’s red light remains steady. She expels the smoke from her mouth. It clouds the camera lens for a moment. 

GIRL

I remember what it was like to buy into the lie. To have been so enraptured in my own delicacy, my own … vulnerability, that it felt like if I stepped too far out of line some force would work to shatter me. I wore a lot of white, I did my hair in perfect ringlets, and no matter how hot it got, not a bead of sweat would show on my face. 

That’s how I was raised, anyhow. I was nothing more than a mirror of my parents. Not a person, but a reflection, an extension. I trembled in fear of growing too far out of bounds. I trembled at the thought of being caught for who I really was. Who I truly wanted to be. 

CUT TO: Flashback. A country club-style room. Women in various pastel dresses are clutching handbags and mingling. GIRL is visible, though almost unrecognizable. She wears an ivory dress that reaches below her knees. She is skinnier than we know her to be — too skinny. Though her hair and makeup are done impeccably, she appears haunted, dissociating with a glassy-eyed look as an older woman, resembling her, parades her around the room. 

GIRL 

I almost fooled myself into believing I wanted that life. None of those girls want that life, not really. Not if they’re honest with themselves. But they were not taught to be honest with themselves. They had been taught how to cook instead. How to clean. How many children to have, and what to name them. How to host a party, how to hold a dinner, how to treat their mother-in-law, how to clear a table, how to dress well, how to hold still on their wedding night while they keep their fear inside. Fear of the unknown because no  one explained any of this and why it was happening and I wish someone had told me this. God why did no one tell me what was going to happen?

They cry out to that God, but he won’t listen. He wants them there. So, one does what one is taught. One reverts to silence. It is the easiest way. It will not cause any trouble. 

GIRL stares down the camera. 

GIRL 

That’s all they want from us anyway. Silence. 

She tips her head back and lets out a scream. She screams again, then comes back into frame with a smile on her face.

GIRL 

I moved away and I tried to date. I tried to be normal … act normal. To act modern though my world was antiquated. I soon realized I could project modernity on the outside, but inwardly, the walls had set in like cornerstones never to be ripped out. I do not know how to be normal because I had no normal before now, this moment. When I finally decided I had enough. 

She digs in her pocket and pulls out a small box of matches. She strikes one and it lights, casting her in its glow. We see clearer. Her makeup is slightly smudged. She wears dark brown and black. Her hair falls messily around her shoulders. 

GIRL

See, I came to understand that the one place no one could truly dictate my choices, my decisions, my beliefs, my hopes and dreams, was the one place they had first tried to take over: my mind. Once I decided they could not control my thoughts, I could be free. I could construct whatever version of myself in my head I wanted. I could be happy if only I retreated into myself, the version I wanted to be, of course. I thought it could never come to fruition. The outside could never match that authentic, radical, unforeseen beauty I had thought up on the inside. Until it did. And when it did, it shattered not only me, but everyone around me.

GIRL chuckles, like it’s a happy memory for her. She blows out the match, turning the burnt piece of wood between her fingers. 

GIRL 

They needed it, though. They needed their worldviews, their narrow-mindedness, to become nothing but ash and dust. It was hot that summer, and I swore that I could feel sweat drip from my brow down onto the floor. How freeing, to let sweat pool on the back of my neck. 

She leans back and rests her fingers on the back of her neck. GIRL sighs, looking into the distance for a moment before zeroing in on the camera. 

GIRL 

And I hope you’re not losing sleep over losing me. It’s like if you lost a pair of designer sunglasses or some reliable ballet flats. Sad, for a week or so. But replaceable. Easily. Just like all of you, deep down. And that’s what you’re so afraid of. That you can be replaced with the next bright-eyed naive bitch hoping to fit in. Not this time. Not anymore. 

She reaches for something out of frame and the camera flashes off. 

It flickers back on and the chair is empty but for the butt of her cigarette, still barely lit with a faint orange glow. Then, without much fanfare, that light goes out and the room goes dark.